I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
