All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
