yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
