Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize