I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's like God shit irony all over that family
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His hands were made for my vagina.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
