Say something about gay babies.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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