VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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