his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
