Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
