Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
