anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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