so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
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I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Shame - the story of my life.
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