That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ttyl tear gas
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
