Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
