At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
