um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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