my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Still dying that you shit outside
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
