Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
