cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
