I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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