Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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