What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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