im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
