i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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