Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
