It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
