Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
