def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
