): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
