Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
