Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
