I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
