I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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