can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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