Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
