had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
