why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
