On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
