She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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