It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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