Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
