Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
