I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your cock deserves a montage
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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