I heard we made out
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
