my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
