just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
