mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
