how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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