My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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