Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
