This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
