In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You smell like stripper and shame
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
