Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
