# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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