everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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