I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
