Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
