take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
