I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
