the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
