I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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