Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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