I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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