her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
