haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
