i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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