i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I would fuck him just for his dog
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
