Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
