I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
