im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
