Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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