It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
