would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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