Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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