STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
