Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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