she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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