...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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