Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
