just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
