You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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