this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
